Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
