wat bout pragnant strippers??
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
