i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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