I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
