you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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