So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
smell my finger.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
