I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
