There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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