I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
