remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
