i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
