bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
