I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
