There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
