Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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