Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
