I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
