I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
