ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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