Yo dont text me then not text me
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
