People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
