I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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