i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
