so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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