guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
