i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
