god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
