Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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