for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
