I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
