first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Also, beer. Big fan.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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