Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
