Tell her she can't have a vagina
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
