She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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