is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
