New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
