dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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