you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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