it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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