the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize