No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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