I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
