What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
