Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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