Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
