Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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