Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
