and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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