She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
