I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
