i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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