She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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