I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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