Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
What a dumb baby whore.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
