Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
