Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
