Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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