whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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