At least make sure they are 18
Why
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
