Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
