she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
