We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
