swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
my poor anus
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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