remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
