My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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