Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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