if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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