Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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