he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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