highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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