she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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