My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I don't deserve a penis
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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