just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
