YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize