Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
