does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize