I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Can you bring me the toilet please
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
God, I missed his penis.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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