I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
