what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
