too bad you live with your parents still
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
