Is it because I queefed?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
