She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
