i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
