Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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