I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
