The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
