You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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