i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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