Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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