i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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