I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Randomize
