Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
