I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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