remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
