After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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