You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
