Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
