you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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