somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
