I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
