Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I am one with the molecules
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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