I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
