so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
